Consequences
by LioSky
Summary: It started with headaches and turned out with him collapsing in the middle of the bullpen. What was going on with Tony? Is Gibbs to blame?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1.**

He didn't really know what was going on with him lately. It had started quite suddenly one day, and he hadn't really thought much about it. He had just taken a few pain killers and pretended that it wasn't there and had gone on with the day. It worked that day, at least for a while. But later that day the head ache returned, he remembered because he and McGee had made plans to go to a bar, but he had to decline because the thought of spending a few hours in a bar was not appealing at all.

Over the next few days the headache came and went. He didn't think it was a normal headache. Mostly when he got them it was pressure around his forehead, this one was more centered in the back of his skull.

At first the pain killers had helped, and the headache disappeared for the day, or it came back later at night. But then he just went to bed and it was gone when he woke up. However he started to get annoyed with it now. What was going on? Was it really normal to have this many headaches he asked himself.

"Tony? Are you okay?" Ziva asked him, one afternoon when he had one of them. He considered ignoring her. He wasn't okay, he was out of pain killers! He really thought that he had packed them this morning, but no matter how much he searched his bag he couldn't find them.

"What?" He said instead.

"It looks like you are just sitting there. We have a case if you hadn't noticed and Gibbs will be back any minute and will yell at us if we have nothing."

"So you are saying that you have nothing?" He retorted.

"No, I'm saying you are not working."

"You don't know what you are taking about." He snapped back, and saw that she got annoyed with him then. He just didn't like what she was insinuating. But he knew that the real reason he snapped at her was because she was right. He didn't have anything, except a headache. She was right, Gibbs would be pissed. He had probably noticed by now that Tony didn't really contribute that much lately. It was just a bit hard to concentrate when it felt like your head was getting screwed into.

"You are not even listening to me are you?"

"What, Ziva?"

"You were staring out in the space."

"Not the."

"What?"

"Not _the_ space."

"Where were you staring then?"

He groaned and buried his face in his hand dramatically. He did it for the show, but secretly it was well needed. "Whatever." He just didn't care to explain.

"Fine, be grumpy. I actually have something."

"Yeah, what?" He forced himself to look up again.

"I'm not telling you, so you can say it and make me look like a fool when Gibbs gets here."

"Whatever." He repeated and looked his eyes on the computer to avoid having to talk to her any longer. He left him alone.

Staring at a computer screen did not help his headache. What he wanted to do was bury his head in his pillows in his dark bedroom. Something that was still hours away. They needed to find a lead before they could leave, before Gibbs would let them leave.

He needed to find something before Gibbs got back from the witness with McGee. He hadn't found anything so far. At least Ziva had something. That was good.

The headache didn't ease up at all, and he wished he could just go home when McGee and Gibbs finally got back.

They started to go through the case and Tony remained where he was at his desk opposed to getting up and standing in front of the screen as he normally did.

"DiNozzo?" He had to react. He had been just sitting there listening to the others so far, but now Gibbs wanted to know what he had. Which was nothing. They were all staring at him when he looked up.

"Eh…" he didn't get further than that.

"DiNozzo! What do you got?!"

"I…eh…I was looking after…" what had he been looking after really? Think, think, think. Shit! It was blank. Totally blank. What to do? He had to cover this up.

"Ziva have something." he said eventually.

"Yes, DiNozzo. We know that." They were still staring at him. McGee looked a bit amused, Ziva actually looked a bit concerned and Gibbs had a weird look on his face, like he was assessing Tony and deciding whether he should let it go or not. He did. And Tony could relax a tiny bit. At least for now. He had gotten away with it this time.

Gibbs let them leave pretty early that night. And Tony left without talking to the others. He had other things to attend to. Like getting pain killers. He actually stopped on his way home to get some, he opened the package in the store and dry swallowed two before he went to pay. When he got home he didn't bother to have dinner, he just crashed on his bed. He just laid there and felt his head pulsating with pain. It eased up after some time, and he was able to sleep.

The next day was a bit better, at least until the afternoon. The headache actually came just after lunch, and the pill he took didn't help much, it was still there. It made him feel annoyed and tired. He wished it would just go away. What had he done to deserve this?

He also wished that McGee and Ziva would shut up. They were arguing about something stupid across the bullpen.

"Would you just shut up?" He eventually snapped at them, getting their surprised faces to turn against him.

"What's your problem Tony?" McGee asked him.

"You are." He grunted and tried to focus on his computer screen.

"We were just discussing the case Tony, you know, doing our jobs."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She looked at him for a while, but then instead of insult him like he expected she just shook her head a bit and got up and went over to McGee and leaned against the wall next to his desk, ignoring Tony. It was just as good. He couldn't stand their loud voices. It was like they tripled in volume in his head. Maybe he should go and see Ducky?

"Grab your gear. We are heading back to the base." Gibbs came storming in to the bullpen from god knows where. Tony groaned inwardly. He couldn't go to any base. He wanted to crawl into a dark hole and stay there until his damn headache passed, not be in a car with Gibbs behind the wheel. He needed to come up with a way to get out of it. However his brain was refusing to function in the way he wanted it. He couldn't come up with anything. He just remained behind his desk, and saw the others get all the way over to the elevator before they realized that he wasn't with them.

"Tony? You coming?" McGee called.

"No." he said, and if he hadn't had the headache he would have laughed at McGee's expression.

"Where is he?" he could hear Gibbs asking from inside the elevator.

"Eh…He said he's not coming." McGee said.

"What?!" he heard Gibbs slap the button preventing the elevator from closing, and he came back towards Tony. Ziva and McGee following behind him.

"DiNozzo! What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm staying here boss, I have some things to go through." He said lamely, hoping Gibbs wouldn't ask him what that was.

"No you are not. I need you with us. Now."

"No, boss I can't." he insisted. He wasn't going to come no matter what Gibbs said. At this point the headache was so bad, that he didn't trust himself to have their backs in the field. He couldn't go.

"I have something I have to do." He lied. Or well, he did. Go to Abby's lab and lay down. He stood up to not feel at such a disadvantage where Gibbs was in front of him.

"DiNozzo." Gibbs growled threateningly, but he ignored him and went to pass his boss. Just as he did, in the corner of his eyes he could see Gibbs raise his hand to give him a head slap. Quickly he ducked out of the way, just as Gibbs swung his hand, the movement almost made him lose his balance, but he regained it and stared into Gibbs eyes.

"No." Tony said coldly, brushed pass Gibbs and headed towards Abby's lab leaving his shocked coworkers behind.

"Boss?" he could hear McGee ask.

"Leave him. Let's go."

And with that they were gone. He stopped for a while leaning his forehead against the wall. What the hell was going on with him? He could have handled that so much better. The way Gibbs had just looked at him.

Maybe he should have just told them the truth. Why didn't he do that?

Because he was a bit embarrassed. That's why. He just had a headache. He should be able to work through that. But as it was now, he just couldn't he needed to sleep.

Abby immediately shut her music off when he told her he had a headache and was thinking about getting some rest in her lab.

"Of course, Tony, go ahead. Do you need something? Can I get you a blanket?"

He declined and she did it anyway, draping it over him, he just let her. Too grateful to be laying down to argue about it with her. She turned off the lights as well, so that the lab got a bit darker, only lit up by the daylight from the windows and her computer screen. It felt a bit better to be laying down. Maybe it would pass if he just got some sleep.

 _\- NCIS -_

"What was up with Tony?" McGee asked from the backseat of the car. "He have been pissed all day."

"Yeah? Why?" Gibbs asked. He had noticed the same thing as the younger agent, but had no idea why Tony was acting like he was.

"I have no idea."

"He was yelling at us to shut up earlier." Ziva helped out.

"Maybe he is hang over?" McGee suggested. "He get's like that then."

"I don't think he went out yesterday. Maybe…" Ziva said.

"So you have no idea?" Gibbs interrupted her. Turned out they didn't.

In fact Gibbs thought that Tony had been acting a bit off for some time now. What was up with him really? When he thought about it, he couldn't come up with a single reason for Tony's strange behavior.

Tony had never refused to go with him into the field, it was the opposite really. Tony loved the field work more than any other agent he had ever known, which was why this was so out of character for him. Another thing that struck him was the way Tony ducked away from his head slap. He had thought that Tony had needed one of those from straight out refusing to come with them without a valid reason. But Tony hadn't let him. Probably the first time for that as well. It made Gibbs feel uneasy. It had also put him out of balance for a moment, as Tony had told him no. No, was all he had said and then just walked away. The more he thought about it the more worried did he get. Was something wrong with his senior agent that he had missed to take notice of? Had something happened to him that made him not want to go out into the field?

They made a short case of getting to the base, questioning the sailor they needed and headed back, all in less than two hours. It hadn't really lead anywhere, which was annoying.

When they got to the bullpen Tony wasn't at his desk. When they all noticed that, both McGee and Ziva looked at him as if he knew where Tony was. He just dropped his bag by his desk and left to find his agent and get to the bottom with this.

The first stop he made was with Ducky, but he hadn't seen Tony. When he started to tell a story about once in Scotland when his friend went missing Gibbs excused himself and left. At his next stop he found Tony.

He was sleeping soundly under a blanket on Abby's floor. She didn't notice him coming since she had her headphones on, probably as to not disturb the sleeping man next to her.

So this was the important thing that Tony needed to do. Sleep on the job? He felt annoyance slowly raise in his chest. He had actually been worried about the man. He walked over and stopped at Tony's feet.

"DiNozzo!" He barked making both Abby and Tony jump. Tony drunkenly sat up and Abby turned against him removing her headphones.

"Gibbs, what a pleasant surprise." She smiled at him.

"No, I don't think so. Get up DiNozzo! Now." Tony was just sitting there staring straight ahead.

"Gibbs, calm down. He just woke up."

"He is not supposed to sleep on the job Abby." He wasn't going to let her defend him.

"Now, DiNozzo." He said to his agent and left expecting Tony to follow him.

He did, but a few minutes later. Minutes that Gibbs spent getting more annoyed with him. Tony was moving stiffly, and sat down at his desk, but didn't do anything else. He just sat there looking down on his keypad. He didn't met any of their gazes, Ziva and McGee was staring at him as well. It made Gibbs even more annoyed and he really wanted to scream some at Tony, but he was a bit reluctant to do it in front of his other agents. Tony would not appreciate it at all. Not that it was his call to make anyway. However before he had decided how to react to the situation Ziva beat him to it.

"So what was it that you had to do here Tony?" She asked.

She got no reaction. He ignored her in favor of staring at nothing.

"Tony?" McGee asked. He looked up then.

"What?" He asked flatly.

"Why did you have to stay behind? Did you find something?"

"Eh…no." He didn't elaborate, and just looked down again. Gibbs shook his head in annoyance.

"You better found something before you leave here tonight." He ordered loudly and thought for a second that he saw Tony flinch and his eyes fluttered shut for a second or two.

"DiNozzo!" he barked and got a quiet "Yeah boss" back.

They worked in silence after that. Gibbs did his best to ignore his agents. They didn't have anything on the case yet, and it was frustrating, and on top of that, his best agent had decided to screw them and not offer any help at all.

It had probably been two or three hours when he noticed that Ziva got up from her chair and walked over to Tony's desk. To his surprise she went behind Tony's desk and got up right in his face.

"Are you okay Tony?" he could hear her quietly ask. He watched them, and saw that Tony froze in his seat. Ziva just waited. Eventually he shook his head once to the side indicating no.

"I have a headache." He said and she nodded.

"Have you taken something for it?" She asked and he nodded. She then looked at his screen and then over at Gibbs and met his eyes. She looked concerned.

She straightened up then, "Maybe we should all head home," she said. "We are not getting anywhere with this anyway tonight."

Gibbs immediately knew that she was trying to cover for Tony, he liked how loyal she was to him. But only a headache? That didn't let Tony of the hook. He saw that Ziva glanced back down on Tony's screen, and he wanted to know what it was about.

Ziva actually tried to block his path when he came around to look for himself, but he maneuvered his way back. What he saw was nothing. Tony had nothing on his screen, just the desktop was opened. Had he seriously been sitting there staring at nothing the whole time?

It made him even more annoyed then he had been before.

"You know what?" He said as he walked back to his desk. "Ziva and McGee go home. DiNozzo is going to stay here until I say so."

"Gibbs…" Ziva said.

"Boss..." Tony said in a strained voice. "I'll find something tomorrow." He said.

"No, you won't. I expect a lead on my desk tomorrow morning." He left without looking back.

 _\- NCIS -_

He really couldn't focus. After Gibbs left, Ziva and McGee both at looked at him with pity and he couldn't take that. He told them to leave. He didn't want them looking at him like that. He didn't need that.

"Just go."

"But Tony, we can help." she had said.

"I don't need your help." He snapped, and she changed, like he knew she would. He wasn't really being fair now when she offered to help him out. And he kind of knew that he needed the help. With his head pulsating like crazy he couldn't think, couldn't form coherent thought long enough to get any work done. He sure had tried.

Gibbs was pissed at him. Really pissed. It was his own fault. He knew that, but it still got to him. He hated it when he wasn't getting along with Gibbs.

This headache wasn't normal though. He didn't think he ever had one this bad, at least not this persistent. He rested his head in his hands and groaned. Screw this, he thought. He would deal with Gibbs wrath tomorrow.

He took a cab home, because he didn't trust himself to drive. By the time he got home the headache actually had eased up a little and he had dinner before he went to bed.

He was actually surprised when he woke up the next morning and the headache was gone. He felt almost normal. Just a bit more tired than usual. He decided to go straight to the office and see if he could find a lead on the case to make up for yesterday. Sure, Gibbs was still going to be pissed, but at least now he felt up to defending himself. He guessed he could just say that he had had a really bad headache, he was pretty sure Gibbs would accept it.

It had been so bad yesterday. All he had been able to do was just sit there. Hopefully that had passed now. However he had a feeling it hadn't.

Gibbs was already at the office when he got there. He pretended everything was okay and greeted his boss as he normally did. Gibbs just glared at him.

He went up and stood next to Gibbs desk.

"Boss, about yesterday…" he started.

"Did you find something?" Gibbs interrupted him, and he felt annoyance at his boss creep up inside him.

"No I didn't Gibbs. I had a headache yesterday."

"So?"

"I…" he started, but then stopped himself. Gibbs clearly wasn't interested in his excuses anyway. "I'll find something." He said and went back to his desk without saying anything else.

Ziva and McGee must have sensed the tension in the air when they arrived because they stopped talking and quietly got to work. It was unusual for them to be so stuck in a case and it made all of them frustrated, especially Gibbs, who growled at them and even Abby couldn't cheer him up. Gibbs barely talked to Tony, barely looked at him. Tony knew that it was expected, but he still thought it was a bit unfair. At least Gibbs snapped at McGee as well, when he spoke computer instead of English.

The headache came from nowhere. He was bending down to pick up a paper he dropped on the floor and when he got upright again it was there. It was so sudden that it made him dizzy. It hurt everywhere. He discreetly massaged his scalp to relieve some of the pressure, but it didn't help. He fumbled in his drawer for the box of pills he had stashed there, found it and dry swallowed two once more, in lack of anything to drink. Coffee wasn't such a good thing to mix with pills.

After that the waiting began. The wait for the headache to ease up. He found that if he sat as still as possible it was better. Preferable he would like to lay down, but that didn't work here in the bullpen. No one had noticed that he was in trouble yet. That was good.

He couldn't go on like this. It had only been ten minutes. He would have to go to a doctor and get checked out. This wasn't normal. He could barely function, it was a wonder that he managed to sit upright in his chair. What he didn't know then was that the whole thing would come to an end in less than thirty minutes. With the help of Gibbs, if you could call it help, he wasn't sure.

They were talking, his colleagues. He should really listen what they were saying. McGee was talking now, Tony tried to focus on him. It was hard. Was he blurry? They were walking over the the screen to go over the case now.

"DiNozzo, get over here now. I'm not going to tell you again." Gibbs was telling him. Again? He had missed that. He should stand. Or lay down? No, stand up. That was what he was about to do. He did so eventually and walked towards the others. They were all looking at him. He forced himself to smile. He failed at acting as if he was okay, because Ziva whispered a question on whether he was or not. He didn't answer her. "Fine, then. Keep ignoring me." She hissed in his ear.

"I'm not ignoring you" he whispered back, leaning closer to her. He suddenly started to list more to his side then he wanted to and ended up pushing against her.

"What are you doing?" Ziva exclaimed. Obviously thinking he had done it on purpose.

"Shut it, you two." Gibbs told them. "McGee you start." McGee did, and Tony tried to follow. He just couldn't. He could barely make out that it was words connected to form sentences. It was all pretty scary. Should he go to Ducky? It hurt so much.

Oh shit! Where they talking to him now? He was pretty sure that McGee had asked him something? What had it been?

"Eh…" Was all he said. It happened all so suddenly after that.

He hadn't noticed that Gibbs was monitoring him, if he had noticed he would have known that Gibbs was aware of that he wasn't listening at all. For Tony the head slap came from nowhere. It all happened in a few seconds time, but to him it felt like forever. His head exploded from behind with the slap, and it was as if the force of it travelled record speed through his body. It was a hard head slap that was one of the thoughts that passed through his brain for less than a second. The next thing he knew was that he was falling. He couldn't control his legs even though he tried, they just folded below him as he ascended to the floor, face first. He smacked his chin and forehead against the floor, and it felt like his whole head was on fire. The pain so intense. It was crazy. He thought that he moaned. Embarrassing floated through his head as well. He was face down on the floor after a head slap. He would never live this through, McGee and Ziva would taunt him forever. But he just laid there. He couldn't, wouldn't do anything else. Not with his head like this. It wasn't worth it.

Ziva was calling his name the next thing he knew. He didn't know if he had blacked out for a second, but she was asking how he was.

"Tony? How are you? Are you okay?"

"DiNozzo? Answer her." Came Gibbs' voice. He was still in the same position, his head resting sideways across the bullpen floor. He should get up. He started to turn on his back, and felt hands helping him to do so. However, the pain in his head got even worse when he was on his back, and he felt himself shaking uncontrollable for a moment, as he opened his mouth to scream. Nothing came out though.

Then suddenly everything came rushing back, and he was aware again. He was on the floor in the middle of the bullpen with Gibbs, Ziva and McGee looking down on him.

"Tony? Are you okay?" McGee said.

"Yeah." He breathed out. "I'm fine. I just wasn't prepared, that's all." He smirked up at them, and could immediately see them relax some. That was good. He didn't want them to worry.

"Get off the floor then." Gibbs said harshly and turned away from him, looking back at the plasma. Tony wasn't prepared for that. Wasn't Gibbs worried? It was his fault he ended up here. He wanted to get up and confront him. Now.

"Maybe you should rest a bit." McGee suggested when he tried to get up.

"McWorry, I'm fine." He tried to sound like himself. It didn't work. McGee did not looked convinced. Then he noticed that the reason he couldn't get up was because Ziva was holding him down.

"Let go." He told her.

"No, you should not get up. I think we should call an ambulance." She said.

"No, no, no. I don't need that." He tried. "I'm fine."

"Gibbs!" Ziva said

"You heard him. Get him up and out of here. I don't need to see him anymore."

That was harsh. He didn't want to see him anymore. Gibbs didn't want to see him. He was unwanted here. He needed to get up. Ziva was no longer holding him, but she was still next to him.

He didn't get far. As soon as he lifted his head in a semi upright position his head exploded again, and he was pretty sure that he screamed this time, but it was out of reflex. It was so painful, like someone was drilling with multiple drills into his head. His whole body tensed. Everything became blurry. Ziva was screaming at him.

"Tony! Tony! What's happening? Tony talk to me? What is happening?"

Other voices. McGee. "I'm calling an ambulance and Ducky." He was saying. Tony couldn't protest. What was happening? He wanted it to stop! His head was splitting in half, or thirds or fourths. He needed it to stop, he needed help. He needed something to hold on to. Now!

Gibbs was there again next. Tony's body was shaking. He was clenching his teeth so hard together it almost hurt, not that he noticed that much.

Then Gibbs' hand took a hold of his. It was warm and strong and his was cold and sweaty and desperate. Gibbs was holding on to him. He was talking to him.

"You will be okay. Breath. Breath, Tony." He was saying. He didn't feel okay. He tried to say that to Gibbs, but it didn't work. He couldn't form words. He was so scared. Something was terribly wrong.

He tried to hold on to Gibbs harder. He had to help him! He needed help. He couldn't do this! He was dying. He was pretty sure. He couldn't focus on anything, other than the hand in his. He could feel his eyes starting to water. He was crying now. He didn't want to do it, but it took to much effort to try to stop.

Other shapes floated into his sight, it might be Ducky. Someone fiddled with his eyelids after wiping the tears away. He didn't want them to touch his head. He made the mistake of trying to move his head, and it made him so dizzy, so he let them.

They were talking. Asking. Looking. He couldn't focus. It needed to end. And then it did.

 _\- NCIS -_

 _Hej! I thought it was time to write another NCIS story. It was a while ago since I did that. I like to write about emotions and how the characters are dealing with what's happening to them. It might get them a bit out of character. The medical things will mostly be made up.  
I hope you will like the story! Let me know what you think :) _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

It had all happened so fast. He hadn't had time to actually reflect on what happened until now. They were all in the waiting room. Waiting on news on Tony.

Gibbs had no idea what just took place right in front of him. He had thought that things had been normal. For Tony apparently it hadn't been, because he had collapsed. He had just fallen, and he wouldn't get up. He had thought it was a joke from Tony's part. At first that was.

The irritation and frustration over the slow case had been building up inside him during the last few days. It was unusual that they went this long without a solid lead or something useful to go on. And Tony didn't make thing better by doing practically nothing. The younger agent tried to cover it up, but he had pretty much been useless during this whole case, if Gibbs were to be honest. He had known something was up with the other man, but Tony hadn't said anything.

Gibbs had decided to not act on Tony's behavior from yesterday, and decided to let his agent come to him and tell him what was bothering him, but all Tony had said was that he had had a headache. He didn't care about a damn headache, and had just dismissed him.

Gibbs had decided that they needed a new approach on the case and had gathered his agents to go through the case. Tony however ignored him at first. But then he came over, but wasn't paying any attention, he just started to mess with Ziva, getting her annoyed as well. They didn't have time for that kind of crap. He had called Tony's name to get him to stop, but was ignored. It was like Tony didn't even listen. A head slap was his normal tactic to solve that problem, however it didn't work this time.

He delivered a pretty hard slap on the back of Tony's head, and wasn't prepared at all for the reaction it got. Tony just fell straight forward down on the floor. Gibbs watched in shook as he fell face first. What the hell? Tony was just lying there and he got scared. What was wrong? What had he done? He was actually so shocked that he just stood there staring down at his agent.

Ziva immediately knelt down next to Tony and tried to get him to respond, but he didn't. At least not at first. It took what felt like minutes before he gave a sign that he had heard them, but then he did and Gibbs concerned turned to anger. He was joking? He had been so worried, seeing Tony fall like that by his hand. He told him to get up and turned away before he would do something he was going to regret. He would have to speak to Tony later though, when things had cooled down. That was not acceptable, what Tony did.

But after a moment he started to reconsider again, was it a joke or wasn't it? Tony wouldn't get up from the floor. Partly because McGee and Ziva wouldn't let him, but if everything was fine Tony wouldn't let that stop him. And Gibbs knew that he would think that it was embarrassing, showing himself weak like that.

Then Tony tried to get up, and couldn't! It had looked quite horrifying, the way lifted his head only to have his whole appearance change, pain was at once visible in his face, and he let out a scream before he fell down on the floor again.

Gibbs had rushed forward and had crashed on his knees next to his agent. Something was really wrong. He ordered McGee to get help, and was vaguely aware that he did, however most of his attention was directed towards Tony.

It had been scary to watch. At first Tony's whole body had tensed up and then he started to shake. He didn't react to any of them even though Gibbs tried his best to get his attention. He wasn't talking or in any way indicating that he could hear them. What was happening? What was this?

He had grabbed Tony's hand and after a while Tony actually seemed to notice because he clutched his hand in his hard, it was almost painful for Gibbs. But he held on, and tried to reassure him.

Gibbs' heart started to beat harder in his chest at the sight of tears in the corner of Tony's eyes. He was really in pain.

"What's happening here?" Ducky was there and pushed Ziva away to get closer to Tony.

"He just collapsed."

"Alright, Anthony my dear boy. Alright, let's have a look at you."

Ducky methodically checked Tony over, he lifted Tony's eyelid and looked at his eyes, and he also tried to get Tony's attention, but failed.

"I trust the paramedics has been called?" he asked.

"Yeah, they are here soon. I had someone go meet them." McGee breathed. "How is he Ducky?"

"He needs professional help. I don't know what's wrong Timothy." He turned back to DiNozzo. "It's okay my dear boy. You will be okay." He removed his tissue and wiped his face with it, repeating his calming words until the paramedics got there. They wasted no time with getting Tony up on a gurney and down to the waiting ambulance. Before that happened Tony had passed out. At first it really scared all of them when he just went limp in front of him.

"He is unconscious. Let's go." One of the paramedics said and they moved to the elevator. The whole team followed, however Tim and Ziva didn't fit in the elevator and took the stairs.

"All of you are not coming with us in here," the other paramedic said as they were all gathered outside the ambulance. "I will allow one of you on board."

"You go Ducky." Gibbs said, and it was decided. He had wanted to go himself, of course, but felt that it was better if Ducky went and got so much information he could about Tony's condition.

So now here they were, waiting. Ducky had meet them in the waiting room but didn't really have that much news. Tony had been unconscious the entire ride, and remained so until Ducky wasn't allowed to go with him any longer.

Gibbs hated waiting.

They were all there. McGee had gotten Abby as well, and they were sitting next to each other, Abby was holding on to Tim's arm for support, her eyes bloodshot. She was of course extremely worried. They all were. Tony had just collapsed at the office.

"What may have caused this?" Ducky asked out in the room. "Did any of you notice anything?"

"He was acting weird yesterday. Snapped at me and Ziva."

"He refused to come into the field. We should have known something was seriously wrong by then." She glanced at Gibbs.

"What?" He asked her.

"Did he say anything to you?" She asked.

"He said he had a headache." Gibbs grunted.

"That's on hell of a headache." McGee said, and they went silent again.

That was true though what he had said, it must have been on hell of a headache. Was that the reason DiNozzo collapsed? He had a headache? And what had he done? Gibbs had hit him on the head. He had caused Tony to collapse like that. What if he was seriously hurt? It had been terrible to see Tony like that on the floor. He had never seen him like that before. It wasn't Tony. Tony would never had let anyone see him like that if he had been able to prevent it, which meant that he hadn't been able to do so today.

How long were they supposed to wait really? His team didn't talk much. Ziva looked lost in thoughts and McGee had an arm around Abby. Ducky went up to the nurse's station now and then and asked for updates. He was just coming back from one of those trips.

"What did they say?" Gibbs asked him.

"To not come back again, and that they will come and talk to us when they have news." Ducky shrugged. "I'm sure it won't be much longer Jethro."

Two more hours they waited before a female doctor approached them. They were all lead in a separate room and offered to take seats on a couch that was standing in the middle of the room. They all remained standing, until the doctor sat down herself and they soon followed suit. She introduced herself as Dr. Westerberg and that she had been working with Tony.

"So what's wrong with him? What happened?" interrupted asking what was on all of their minds.

"Tony was brought in with a severe headache and we have done some test on him, among that a CT scan and a MRI through which it was discovered that Tony suffers from an intracranial hematoma which is a bleeding to the brain." She paused to let them all take it in. Gibbs felt it as a giant whole had just opened up underneath him and he was being sucked down into it. A brain bleed? He heard the shocked reactions from the rest of his team, and Abby quietly started to sob.

"I know this is hard to hear." The doctor continued, the comment mostly directed in Abby's direction. "Hematomas can be very serious and even life threatening, but Tony's is not that severe what we are able to see. At this point we are going to try and threat this with medication, which we already have put him, however we are going to monitor him carefully from now on and later surgery might become an option if the bleeding don't go down." She paused again and looked around at them.

"I would like to discuss this further with you later, however is there any questions you have at the moment?"

"How is he doing now? Is he awake and conscious?" Ducky asked.

"No, he is not awake at the moment since we have him sedated. He is doing as well as he can at the moment."

"Can we see him?" Ziva asked.

"I'm afraid you can't just yet. But I will let you know as soon as you can. I need to go back to him now, please let me know if you have any other questions."

They nodded and thanked her and she was gone again.

"Oh god, Tony." Abby sniffed. "How could this happen?"

Gibbs wouldn't look at his team, at the moment he just couldn't. He was busy with thinking of the moment of Tony's collapse. Tony he had a bleeding in his brain. Was he the cause of it? Did that head slap cause Tony's brain to start bleeding?

He desperately wanted to know the answer to that question, but he couldn't bring himself to ask it out loud. What if the answer was yes? What would he do then? What would that do to his and Tony's relationship?

He didn't get an answer to any of the questions. It felt like he could feel Ziva and McGee's eyes on him now and again. Were they thinking the same thing as him? Did Gibbs do this to his agent? They had seen it too, Gibbs hitting Tony and the collapse, it was easy to draw those conclusions. After all he didn't believe in coincidences.

They had to wait a few more hours before they were told that they were allowed in to see Tony that had been moved to a private room. He was hooked up on multiple machines and was still not awake. It was not right to see him like this. Tony was always doing something to keep himself busy. Now he was lying there propped up on the hospital bed, pale and still. It looked like he was sleeping, but at the same time he looked tense. Was he still in pain, or was it just Gibbs' imagination? Hopefully he was resting peacefully.

 _\- NCIS -_

Someone was talking. He wasn't sure they were talking to him or not. He wasn't even sure if he was awake. Maybe he was dreaming? No, he was pretty sure he was awake, except it was still dark around him. Wait, he hadn't opened his eyes yet, that's why. Stupid. He should just to that. Then he would found out who it was that was talking as well.

He tried. He was surprised when it didn't work. Why didn't it work? He was pretty sure that he was trying with all he had to open his eyes, but it was so hard. It felt as if they were glued shut, they were so heavy.

 _"_ _Tony…"_ the voice reached his mind again. Calling his name. " _You can do it_." They were saying. He didn't really know what it was that he could do. Or if he actually could.

" _Please._ " The voice sounded upset now. He tried again to open his eyes and this time for a short amount of time he thought that he could see blurry bright shapes. It was too bright for his sensitive eyes. However now he knew for sure that he was awake. But where was he? What was going on?

He did a mental stock of himself. He was laying down on something soft and comfortable. He was pretty warm too. Almost a bit too warm. His head was the only thing bothering him. It was not as bad as before, not piercing and stabbing but more of a dull ache in the back of his head.

"I think he is awake, he opened his eyes!" A voice said.

"Tony? Are you with us?"

He was going to say that he was but all he got out was something that sounded like a moan. He really needed to wake up for real to find out what's going on. He tried hard again and managed to open his eyes again, this time succeeding in keeping them opened. It was not as bright now, someone had obviously done something about it.

Abby was sitting on the bed next to him, and she was holding his hand. Ziva was on his other side, and by his feet he could spot both Ducky and McGee. Over by the wall, close to the door was Gibbs.

"How are you feeling?" Abby stroke his cheek, she had tears in her eyes, and he had no idea why. He tried to lift his hand towards her and stroke them away, but noticed to his surprise that he couldn't really coordinate his hands all that well, it didn't matter because Abby took his hand in both of hers and squeezed it.

"Tony, my boy. How are you?" Ducky said and came closer to him.

"I'm okay…" he said hoarsely. "What happened?" he understood now that he was in a hospital. The last thing he remembered was his head hurting and being at the office. He noticed that Ziva and McGee both looked over at Gibbs direction.

"You passed out." Abby said hesitantly.

"I knew that." He said.

"How is your head?" Ducky asked.

"It hurts." He confessed. Not bothering hiding it.

"I will go and get your doctor." He left. The other just looked at him.

"What's going on? Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked, looking up at Ziva.

"Your doctor will explain." She said.

"But you know?" he questioned. He knew she did, but for some reason she didn't want to tell him. She looked over at Gibbs again.

"Boss?" He asked.

"Wait for the doctor DiNozzo." Gibbs said, and wouldn't look at him all of a sudden.

"No! What's going on? Tell me." He demanded the people in the room, he could feel a strange fear in the pit of his stomach. Why didn't they want to tell him? No one answered him.

"Calm down Tony." Abby said. "You need to be calm." She looked so upset, like she was going to start crying for real. For her sake he did his best to act calm, but inside his heart was racing. What happened?

 _\- NCIS -_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

The doctor stepped into the room only a few minutes later, but Tony already felt it like he was going crazy. His coworkers just told him to relax and calm down, which was annoying. Something was obviously wrong with him since they clearly had agreed to not to tell him until his doctor got there. His team except Ducky and Gibbs had now been ushered out into the waiting room.

"Nice to meet you Mr DiNozzo." His doctor said and they shook hands. His bed had been risen higher so that he was almost sitting up. However he rested his aching head against the pillows. He found that he had a lot of different tubes connected to him.

"So what is going on with me?" Tony asked after the introductions.

"You collapsed at your workplace and was taken here by ambulance." The doctor started. "We weren't sure at first as to why you collapsed, but we have performed both a CT and a MRI scan and we found that you suffer from an intracranial hematoma."

"A what?" Tony intently looked at his doctor. His team was still there in the room, but were ignored.

"An intracranial hematoma is a bleeding in your brain, Mr DiNozzo."

"I have a brain bleed?" Tony couldn't believe it. Or maybe he could after all. He hit his head a lot after all. Maybe this was bound to happen sooner or later, but still! A brain bleed.

"Unfortunately yes you do. Intracranial hematomas happens when a blood vessel ruptures in your brain or between the brain and the scull which is the case for you. I have been told that you have been suffering from headaches?"

"Yeah…"

"That was a symptom. Have you been taking aspirin for it?"

"Well, yeah I have." He could hear Ducky gasp from the end of his bed. "What?" he asked.

"That unfortunately increases the risk of bleeding."

Tony looked at Ducky who looked shocked. "I didn't know." He mumbled. "What happens now?"

"Now we will make you better. We have decided to try and treat you medically at first and see if that works, otherwise surgery might become necessary."

Tony just nodded. He didn't know what else to do. It was a lot to take in.

"We are also looking in to what might have caused this." The doctor continued. "Did you hit your head recently?"

Tony shrugged. "I do that sometimes" he said.

"You have done it many times? Sure it is possible that repeated hit to the head might have caused the bleeding to get worse and worse over time until you collapsed. Do you remember the last time you hit your head?"

"Why?"

"Well, it is important to determine the cause of your head injury and the bleeding to be able to treat you better. A brain bleed can be really serious."

Tony hesitated. He hit his head almost daily. Or someone else hit his head for him. He couldn't believe it, he didn't even want to think it. But he did. Could Gibbs' head slaps have caused this? Without really wanting it he looked over towards his boss, he looked straight into the eyes of his boss, it was as if Gibbs had been waiting for Tony's eyes to meet his. What he saw in there didn't surprise him. It was a look of sadness as well as acceptance. But there was something else there as well, concern and guilt maybe. Gibbs was already taking the blame.

Tony wasn't sure about what he thought about that. On one hand he felt angry. Gibbs was to blame, but what would happen if Tony told it like it was? What would happen to Gibbs? Would he be forced to leave NCIS? There was no way he intended to be the reason that happened. He needed to speak to Gibbs first. And also Gibbs never meant to hurt him, he did it to get him to focus when he was out of line or distracted. If anything it was his own fault.

"Mr. DiNozzo? Are you with us?"

"Yeah, sure. Yeah, I don't remember." He said. "Look I'm kind of tired. Can we do this later?" He asked. His wish was granted and the doctor left, promising more test and scans later. Yay.

"We'll let you get some rest Anthony." Ducky said. "We'll be back later."

As Ducky passed Gibbs Tony could see them exchanging a look and Gibbs nodded and turned to leave as well.

"No, wait. Boss." He said.

"Jethro." Ducky said, and for a moment Gibbs stood as frozen before he chose Ducky, leaving Tony alone in his hospital room staring after them.

 _–_ _NCIS –_

Gibbs followed Ducky out into the hall way. The other man stopped and just looked at him with an angry expression. Gibbs knew what was coming. He had known that this was going to happen, and he understood. All of them was thinking it but so far no one had said it, not Tony not anyone. They all just had thought it. This was his fault.

Never had he ever considered that his disciplinary actions in form of head slaps would ever bring any negative side effects. If he had known, he would never had done it. Tony was in the hospital because of him. Tony was had a brain bleed because of him.

"So, what do you have to say for yourself Jethro?" Ducky questioned.

"Duck?"

"No, Jethro. I'm furious with you right now."

"I didn't know this was going to happen. If I did I wouldn't slap him."

"No, you shouldn't. And honestly I have never been found of the way you do that." Ducky sounded angrier then he ever had heard him.

"You have never said anything, you never stopped me."

"No, I haven't. You are very much correct in that matter Jethro, and I feel ashamed about that. But I'm not angry at you for all of those other times you hit him." Ducky said, and Gibbs felt something heavy settle in his heart at that phrasing of words.

"Then what?" He asked.

"I'm angry about this time. The time he collapsed!"

"Today…" Gibbs looked away.

"You said it yourself, you knew he had a headache and you still slapped him. What the hell were you thinking Jethro? You might have… Explain yourself, with words please."

"I wasn't thinking Ducky, and I, I thought that he was just…" he stopped. He didn't want to accuse Tony.

"You thought he was what? Joking? Ziva said he refused to go with you in the field. Has Anthony ever done that before?"

"No…"

"So what did you think then?"

"I thought he was just exaggerating. You know he does that."

"And you didn't think this time was a bit different? You must have seen on him that something was wrong, didn't you?"

Gibbs had to close his eyes for a second. He felt so tired. And Ducky was right. He had known something was going on with Tony, but he had just ignored it, annoyed that Tony didn't come to him.

"I knew." He said. "I wish I hadn't done it, Duck, but I did."

"I know." Ducky let out a deep breath. "I know you regret this. I know how much you care about that boy."

"Is he going to be okay Ducky?"

"As of yet they don't think an operation is necessary which is a good thing. We just have to wait and see what happens now."

Gibbs nodded. "What am I supposed to do now Ducky?"

"You be there for him. You own up, and you tell the doctor, or I will. Because I know for sure that Tony will not do that to you. But there are things that matters more, and this is one of those things."

"I understand, Ducky. Of course."

"Hopefully that boy is calmer now. You really need to talk to him. I will go and let the others know what is happening with Anthony. I'll be back soon."

Gibbs nodded and went in alone. Ducky was right. About everything. He and Tony really needed to talk.

"Hi Tony." He said as he stepped in and saw that the younger man was looking at him.

"Hi boss. You came back."

"Of course I did. I'm not leaving."

"Okay. Nice."

"I think we need to talk Tony." Gibbs said quietly and brought up a chair and sat down on it.

"You think?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what do you want to talk about boss?"

Gibbs studied the other man. He was leaning back towards the pillows and looked tired, however he had his whole attention directed towards Gibbs. He was waiting for him to make the first move. To talk. He sighed.

"I'm sorry, Tony." He said, without hesitation. An apology was really needed at this moment. Tony still looked surprised.

"Eh…thank you, boss." He started. "For what though?"

"Hitting you."

"Yeah, that. It's okay."

"No it isn't, DiNozzo. Have you seen where you are? You do remember what happened right?"

Tony nodded slowly. "Yeah I do. You head slapped me. But it's not like that's something out of the ordinary."

"You told me that you were having a headache, and I didn't care."

"Yeah…well.. you couldn't have known."

"I should have."

"Boss…"

"I wish I could take it back Tony."

"Well, I kind of wish you hadn't hit me either, to tell you the truth boss, but hey, what's done is done. I'm okay now right?"

Gibbs could see the honesty in his eyes. Tony truly meant what he was saying. Not that he should be surprised, really. It was just who Tony was. This time was different though.

"No, you are not Tony. You are bleeding into your brain! It might be my fault that you are here. Hell, it probably is."

"Come on Boss, don't take all the credit here. It was probably something else that caused it. It was probably just a bad coincidence that I happen to pass out just as you hit me."

"And since when do we believe in coincidences, Tony?"

"Eh…since now?"

"I kind of want to slap you again now, DiNozzo."

"It would probably be good if you didn't though. My doctor would be pissed."

Gibbs nodded and paused a moment. "It's no joke Tony."

"I know."

They got quiet.

"I forgive you, boss." Tony said then.

Gibbs just sighed and patted his shoulder a bit. He didn't say anything else. A while later Tony drifted off to sleep. Gibbs wasn't really content with their talk. He didn't know if Tony knew just how serious this was. If Gibbs really was the cause of all this. And it felt like he was. He had a gut feeling.

 _–_ _NCIS –_

Tony groaned as he woke up.

"Sorry Mr. DiNozzo. I'm here to do a check up on you." Someone said to his right, and he blinked his eyes open, feeling a bit annoyed. He had been sleeping, and it had been nice. It wasn't nice being awake. Everything felt heavy and loud. He wanted to go back to sleep, and tried.

"Mr. DiNozzo, I need you awake." The voice said again, and forced his eyes opened again. "Thank you. It won't take long."

Tony thought it took long enough, and he felt even more annoyed when the doctor finally announced that he was satisfied for the moment.

"We will do another CT-scan later." He said. "I thought now would be a good time to talk some more. Your friend are still here. I couldn't get him to leave." He mentioned to the corner of the room where Gibbs was sitting. He hadn't noticed him earlier, and couldn't get how he had failed to do that. Gibbs shrugged his shoulders to the doctor's words, and met Tony's eyes.

"Yeah, he does that." He said.

"Would you like to take me through the last few weeks, leading up to your collapse today?" He was asked. Tony sighed and did what he was told. He told them about the headaches and feeling bad. He hesitated when he got to the part about collapsing. He felt reluctant to sell Gibbs out.

"And today, what happened today?" The doctor persisted. He really wanted to know apparently.

"Nothing out of the ordinary really." Tony said. He had decided not to tell anyone at the hospital about it, he wasn't going to do that to Gibbs, not after their talk that they had. He had been really surprised and kind of touched when Gibbs had apologized to him, and he wasn't going tell them.

"So you just got up from your desk and collapsed?"

"Something like that."

"These types of injuries doesn't happen just like that. They are caused by trauma to the head, it's important to know what it might be."

"Well…it's a bit fuzzy that part actually…"

"Look, I don't get why you don't want to tell me about this, do you even understand the danger you are in right now. Hematomas can cause serious complications, brain damages…"

"I can tell you." Gibbs suddenly broke the silence. They both turned to look at him.

"Boss…"

"Tony." Gibbs nodded a bit towards him.

"No, boss." Tony said, but Gibbs continued.

"I use to hit him over the back of his head." He said. "I hit him pretty hard while he was having a headache and it caused him to collapse."

The doctor just stared at him. "You hit your subordinates?" He questioned. "That's highly unprofessional. I thought you were a police agency as well." He didn't let them say anything to that. "So how did you hit him, and where? And for god sakes don't demonstrate."

"A couple of times a week maybe." Gibbs silently said. "I do it like this." he showed in the air.

"So most likely the side of your hand hits the back of his head, repeatedly each week." The doctor got quiet as if he was thinking something over. Tony just laid there. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't have the energy at the moment to argue. His head was hurting pretty bad again. He hadn't told anyone about that. And besides he couldn't when Gibbs was there.

"Did I cause this?" Gibbs suddenly asked out in the silence of the room. It surprised Tony to some extent.

"Well, I can't tell for certain." The doctor started, he looked angry. "But you most likely did. I don't think he would be here if it weren't for you. Abuse like that under a long time will most likely have some effect. Especially if you hit him hard and at the same place. It might have been nothing at first but repeatedly head trauma like that…"

He paused and Tony could understand why. He had never seen Gibbs look like he did now. He was pale and looked like he was going to pass out. He actually stumbled a bit backwards.

"Boss?" He said, and Gibbs turned towards him, and looked at him with wide eyes. Then he backed out of the room without another word. The door closed after him and he was gone.

"No. Get him back here." Tony exclaimed. He pointed at the doctor. "Get him back here, this is your fault. I don't blame him."

"Well, you should. He is most likely…"

"No! Stop. Get out!"

"Mr. Dinozzo, I really think that…"

"No, shut up. I don't want to hear it."

"Well, you must accept what has happened here and what he has done to you. I understand he is your boss, maybe you were afraid of repercussions if you spoke up…"

"Stop!" Tony yelled, trying to sit up. His head was hurting so much, but he didn't care. He needed this man to shut up. The doctor seemed to notice his distress.

"I'll be back in a little while. I'll let you calm down, a nurse will come and check on you."

He left after that and Tony was alone again.

Gibbs had really left. He had looked really bad when he did. The doctors words must have really gotten to him. Now he had left and Tony had no idea of what to do to get him back. He would have ran after him, but wasn't sure he would even be able to sit up, let alone stand. He needed someone else to do it for him. He pushed the call button and cursed his weak head for causing this mess.

 _–_ _NCIS –_

 _Thank you for reading, following and reviewing! It means a lot and is really encouraging :)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

He had to leave. He just had too. He couldn't stay in there. He was barely aware of what he was doing or where he was going. He just blindly pushed his way past nurses and other patients and found himself in the hospital parking lot. He thought that he had heard someone shout his name as he made his way through the halls, but he hadn't stopped to look. Now he was just standing there. He couldn't remember where they had parked the car.

Guilt was rushing through him in wave after wave, crushing him, threatening to drown him. He was the cause. He was to blame. He had done this to Tony, to his own agent. To Tony who never had said anything and had just taken it. Gibbs even thought that he secretly liked the head slaps, because he perceived it as a way of appreciation. That had made Gibbs continue. Of course he had continued during all this time, because it had worked on Tony. It had been effective for the goal Gibbs had with them. But now. Now he didn't even know how to process the fact entirely that he had cause Tony harm by his actions.

Abuse the doctor had called it. He had never seen it like that, but he could understand the doctor's reaction, of course he could, because the doctor had the medical results of it. A brain bleed.

He didn't know what to do now, but he needed to get away from here. Right now he couldn't face it. He couldn't face the others. They would soon know that he had been the cause, he could imagine the looks they would give him. But mostly he couldn't face DiNozzo. How was he ever going to make it up to him, how was he ever going to apologies for giving him such grave injuries? He was the one who was supposed to protect him from harm, not inflict it. He had broken the ever loyal trust Tony always showed him.

He shouldn't have done it. And especially he shouldn't have done it today. Tony hadn't been okay, but he hadn't cared. How could he have not cared? It was his job to care. He didn't have to say that he did, but his actions should show it. Tony and the rest of his team should know it. That was all destroyed now. He had destoyed everything.

He found the car after walking around aimlessly for a while. He started driving, at first not knowing where he should go. He just couldn't go the office, so he decided to head home. He just needed a moment to clear his head and get over the worst of this. Then he had to decide what to do next. What would be the next step?

 _–_ _NCIS –_

A nurse stepped into his room and Tony ordered her to find Gibbs, or to at least to find his other colleagues, if she could. He didn't know if they still were at the hospital, or if they had left. It wasn't like he could go and find out, because his head was throbbing like crazy. He wasn't even sure if he would be able to stay upright at the moment, just laying like this was enough.

"Anthony?" Ducky stepped into his room a few minutes later. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay, Ducky. Where is Gibbs?"

"I'm not sure. He passed just passed us in the waiting room, but he didn't say anything. What happened Tony?"

"He left?"

"I'm not sure."

Tony got quiet. Did Gibbs really just leave the hospital? Why would he do that, just leave without talking to him or anyone?

"You got to find him Ducky!"

"What happened in here?"

Tony closed his eyes for a second debating what to tell the doctor, but then decided just to tell the truth.

"My doctor implied that it was Gibbs fault that I'm in here now, because of the head slaps. He just left after that. You need to get him back here. I want to talk to him."

Ducky was just standing there staring at him.

"Ducky? You okay?"

"I'm really sorry Anthony. I should have stopped it. I should have said or done something years ago. If I had just taken this seriously rather than approving it and actually implementing it myself once in a while, you wouldn't be here."

"What are you talking about? Ducky, it's not your fault. I don't blame you or Gibbs. I have myself to blame really, if we have to blame anyone. Now can you just get Gibbs."

"Anthony, don't you understand how serious this is?"

"I don't care."

"You really should."

"Yeah, but right now I want you to get Gibbs back here, can you do that or not. Otherwise can you get McGee or Ziva for me?"

He barely noticed that he was getting more and more worked up, but Ducky did, so he complied.

"I will see what I can do." He said and left. Tony tried to relax. He tried to sleep, but found that he couldn't so he opted for to just lay there and wait.

A while later there was a knock on the door and he looked up a bit more alert, but it was just Ziva, Abby and McGee standing there.

They all looked quite shocked, he knew why a moment later. "Ducky told us." McGee said. "He said that it is because of the head slaps." He carefully continued and sat down on a chair next to the bed. Abby sat down on his bed next to his feet. It looked like she was about to burst into tears again. Oh no, he didn't want to deal with that right now. He didn't want to have to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be okay, because for once he wasn't sure that it would be.

"I'm okay." Was all he said. He almost wished that they would leave. His head was hurting too much for him to be able be his normal self.

"It's not okay Tony!" Abby explained confirming his beliefs about her state of mind. "This is so not okay! It's the opposite of okay! Gibbs…Gibbs…he, oh god." The tears were in her eyes now. "He hurt you. How can you think that's okay."

"Abby…"

"No! When are you going to take yourself seriously, you can't just pretend that this is okay."

"Abby…please." He tried again. He really needed her to be quiet. It was starting to feel like something was about to burst inside his head. He just wanted it to stop, and Abby wasn't helping.

"Abby, maybe you should calm down." Ziva quietly said. "Are you alright Tony?" She asked him. He just shook his head the best he could. He didn't speak anymore after that. He knew that they were worried, but he just let them. A nurse came later and she upped his meds and he fell asleep shortly after that.

Gibbs didn't come. He waited and waited. He asked the other that came and went. Most of the time someone was there with him. They wouldn't give him any straight answers about where Gibbs was or when he was coming and it was frustrating. Mostly because he couldn't do anything about it. His head didn't get better, if anything it felt worse. They took him on different tests and examinations and gave him different medications that they said would help against different things. A day or two past. He wasn't really sure. The medications effected him more than he wanted them to, his thoughts got messy and difficult to keep track of.

He woke up and looked around the room. Gibbs wasn't there. He didn't really know why it felt so important that he spoke to Gibbs, but he just wanted to talk to him, tell him that it was okay. He didn't blame him. It was just a headache. He could manage. But Gibbs apparently didn't want to see him, or talk to him for that matter. He had even tried to call him himself before he fell asleep, but he wasn't picking up. Tony didn't know why. It was against the rules.

Ducky and McGee were in the room with him.

"Hi Tony." McGee greeted him.

"Hi." Tony mumbled. He felt weirdly sensitive, like he was about to burst into tears. What the hell was that about? They all small talked a bit and Tony just answered with one word sentences. Both McGee and Ducky looked so worried. McGee told him that Ziva was staying over with Abby, because apparently she was a mess. It was all his fault. He was the cause of everything. He was practically destroying the team.

"Anthony? Are you with us?" Ducky was saying suddenly.

Tony just looked at him for a second and then blurted it out.

"This is all my fault."

"It certainly isn't Anthony!" Ducky said forcefully.

"Yes, it is. Me and my stupid head. Gibbs is gone and it's my fault."

"Tony, my dear boy. Please listen to me when I tell you that nothing of this is your fault."

"But if I had just behaved and quit acting stupid, or all the comments, then he wouldn't have.."

"Stop Tony, and listen to yourself. You sound like an abused wife."

"I'm not…"

"Tony. It's Gibbs fault not yours!" McGee was saying suddenly. Until now he had been quiet and just listened with an open mouth. Tony had almost forgotten he was there, and now he felt embarrassed.

"Let's all just calm down a bit now. There is not good for you to get worked up my boy."

He just nodded and stayed quiet after that. An hour or so later a few doctors came into his room, they wanted to talk about his test results that were in. He allowed both Ducky and McGee to stay for the conversation.

That was when they told him that they wanted to open up his head. They wanted to drill a hole and do a surgical drainage. He just laid there in bed and listened to them talking. It was like it was decided already. It was going to happen soon. They told him about how they were going to do it, and about complications that might arise and about the risks of neurological problems. It was like his head hurt more just by hearing about it. They said it was important that they did that, so he nodded at everything, while his heart was beating hard in his chest. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want people to drill in his head. He didn't want to have convulsions, or amnesia, sleep problems or suffer from anxiety or headaches, which all were possible side effects. It was all hard to take in.

He was already scheduled for the surgery. If he didn't get worse suddenly it would happen later that day. After the doctors left he just stared up into the ceiling trying to make sense of it all. Trying to take in what was actually going to happen.

"Everything is going to be fine Tony." Ducky comforted him and patted his shoulder. He nodded.

"They will take good care of you, and before you know it you will be back to your healthy self." He nodded again. What else was he going to do? He was blinking slowly, tears were almost threatening to fall.

Ducky and McGee called the others and told them the news. They were all coming to see him before his operation.

"Did you call Gibbs too?" He asked and watched Ducky and McGee exchange a look between them. "What?"

"Eh…he…he didn't answer Tony. But I left him a voicemail. I'm sure that he will be here when he hears it."

"What if it won't be in time?" He asked Tim, feeling pretty pathetic, but he needed to know.

"Do you really want him here though, Tony?"

"Yes! I do." McGee just nodded and again exchanged a look with Ducky. McGee didn't answer his question and Ducky stared talking about the operation again, and asked if he had any questions. He didn't, really. He toned Ducky's voice out, in favor of thinking about what would happen to him if he actually did get any of the complications that could arise. What if he forgot who he was? What if he started to get seizures?

Ducky and McGee didn't seem to think that Gibbs should be there. They seemed angry at him. But Tony just couldn't be. Sure, it might be Gibbs' fault that he got the hematoma, but if he just had behaved and hadn't made all those jokes and stuff Gibbs wouldn't have needed to hit him that much, so really it was his own fault. So why couldn't Gibbs just come and support him right now. He wanted his support. He didn't know why he needed Gibbs to be there so badly, but he just wanted to talk to him before it happened. Because what if something bad did happened, what if he woke up and couldn't remember anything?

He also felt worried about Gibbs. This wasn't like him at all. What if he felt so guilty that he did something stupid? What if he resigned? No, he wouldn't do that. Right?

"What are you thinking Tony?" Ducky asked him.

"I don't get why he isn't here. I want him to." He confessed for Ducky.

"I'm sure he has his reasons."

"But why?"

"Anthony…."

"No! Where is he? Why would he leave in the first place? He said that he wouldn't. What if he does something stupid?"

"I'm sure he won't."

"How can you be sure? You didn't see him before. You need to find him! He needs to be here. I want to see him!"

"We have tried calling him. He is not picking up…"

"Then go to his house!"

Ducky nodded. "Timothy is on his way there now." He said. Tony felt himself start to relax a bit more after that. That was good. Good news. He hadn't even noticed when McGee left.

Maybe he could sleep some now. He asked Ducky if he could, and he said yes. He was asleep about three minutes later. Maybe Gibbs would be there when he woke up.

 _– NCIS –_

Gibbs didn't know what to do when he got home either. He just sat down on his couch and went through in his head what had happened in the hospital once again. He thought about Tony's collapse. He thought about all the damn times that he had head slapped Tony. He thought about brain bleeds. And he thought about that everything was his damn fault. How could he have hurt Tony? The younger man was like a son to him, he truly was. Had he just lost his son? Lost his trust?

The answer to that question he felt was yes.

That was when he without thinking about it much walked down into the basement and poured himself a glass, and then downed it in on go. It didn't feel any better after that, so he did it again. And again. He wanted to not think for a minute. Not think about what he had done. About the horrible thing he had done.

His phone was buzzing, it was Ducky, but he didn't pick up. He just couldn't. Not yet. Later, he would deal with all later. They kept calling him. All of them. He couldn't get himself to answer. He felt like a mess. He didn't know what to tell them at the moment, so he thought it better to wait with talking to them.

Time past and he fell asleep some time and woke up on a chair in the basement. He almost jerked a bit when he remembered the previous day. He looked at his phone and saw a few missed calls and texts. Abby's texts where angry and upset. Ziva's were short and to the point. Where was he?

The day passed. He avoided everything for a while. He just needed some time.

Someone was knocking on his door. Then he heard footsteps and when he looked up, McGee was standing there.

"Boss."

"Tim."

"What are you doing?"

Gibbs didn't know if he meant right this moment, or if he referred to something else. Tim however didn't wait for him to answer before continuing. He seemed to be angry and upset.

"Why don't you answer your phone? What happened to never being unreachable?"

"I broke that rule."

Gibbs confession seemed to get McGee a bit of the course, but he soon collected himself.

"What are you doing here? Why won't you come to the hospital?"

"I didn't think that I would be wanted there. I did this Tim."

"It seems like you did, but you know what? Tony doesn't care. He doesn't blame you! He blames himself. Did you know that?"

Gibbs had to close his eyes. McGee continued.

"He says that he wishes that he hadn't done those things that made you slap him. And that means that he basically wishes he hadn't been himself. And him saying those things is because of what you are doing now, boss. You are avoiding him. I didn't think that of you." McGee stopped himself as if preparing himself.

"That you would act like a coward. That you wouldn't face what you did!" he said.

Gibbs just sat there and let McGee's words wash over him. He had actually never heard McGee speak up to him like this. It made him feel proud of how much Tim fought for Tony. That was the kind of man he wanted on his team. And McGee was right. What the hell was he doing getting drunk in his basement? What was he doing really? He was being a coward!

And what Tim was saying was terrible. Tony was blaming himself. When he thought about it, it wasn't that strange. He knew that Tony had trouble with his self-esteem. He did a good job with not letting it show, but apparently now it had.

"Are you going to say anything at all? Or are you just going to sit there? Keep avoiding him, when he needs you?"

"McGee…"

"I don't care. Do you even know why I'm here now?" McGee interrupted him.

"No."

"Tony is having _surgery_ today. They are going to drill a hole in his head. He wants to see you before that."

Fear surged through Gibbs. Surgery! How had all of this happened really? It was hard to believe that it had turned out this serious all of a sudden. Yesterday they had been working on a case and today Tony would have brain surgery. And he wasn't there with him. Tony clearly wanted him there, and he wasn't there for him. What was he doing? Tony needed him.

He stood up and stepped over to McGee. "Thank you for coming Tim." He put a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Let's go."

McGee stood there for a second gaping in surprise before he seemed to wake up and turn around and leading the way upstairs. He had probably been prepared for more. But he had gotten his message through.

They made the car ride back to the hospital in silence. McGee was driving. He had stared in shock as Gibbs tossed him the car keys. "Bourbon." Was all he said as an explanation.

Gibbs didn't hesitate when they walked towards Tony's hospital room, he really hoped that his absence hadn't done too much damage. Him being there might also do damage but for other reasons. In the car he had read the messages he had received once more.

At the moment he was prepared to do whatever it took to repair the damage he had done. Hopefully it wouldn't be too late.

 _–_ _NCIS –_

 _I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for all the reviews and for following! It means a lot that you take the time to write your thoughts. In this chapter they might be a bit out of character, but they are all in a new situation. Suggestions for what might be next? What do you want to see more of?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

Tony woke up from someone talking quietly in his hospital room. He slowly opened his eyes and looked over towards where the voices came from. He could see Ducky and McGee standing there, but also Gibbs!

"Hi guys…" He rasped out. What had happened to his voice all of a sudden? He cleared his throat. They came towards him, Gibbs kept in the background.

"Hi Tony. How are you doing?" McGee asked.

"I'm fine probie."

"Yeah." Tim smiled. "I'll see you later Tony, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"I'll be right outside if you need me, my dear boy." Ducky said. "You push the button if you are in pain." Tony watched him leave, and then he was alone with Gibbs.

"Hey boss…"

"Hello Tony." Gibbs said and sat down next to him.

"You came."

"I did."

"I thought you wouldn't." He paused. "I'm having surgery boss."

"I know Tony."

"They are going to drill a hole in my head."

"Tony…"

"That kind of freaks me out boss."

"Me too, DiNozzo."

"Thanks for coming though, boss. You will be here right?"

"I shouldn't have left. I am sorry about that Tony." Gibbs quietly said, and Tony couldn't help but stare at him. He hadn't expected this. However he appreciate it, it calmed him down to some extent. But he just had to know one thing.

"Why did you?"

Gibbs sighed a bit and remained quiet for a while. "I…I just didn't know what else to do Tony. I did this to you." He said quietly.

"No, you didn't boss. It was my own fault I don't blame you. And besides it's not for sure that it was that how caused it."

"It's not your fault. And what else might it be? Repeated head trauma? I did it."

Tony sat up straighter in his bed, he wasn't going to allow Gibbs to talk like this.

"No, boss. It's my own fault. I knew you didn't like the way that I was acting, I knew, but I did it anyway. You were in your right to discipline me. I messed up!"

Gibbs stood up then, so suddenly his chair almost tipped over.

"Shut up DiNozzo! Don't you dare blame yourself. I could have acted differently. I should have. I wish I could take it all back, all of those times. I do, but I can't, Tony, and I'm so sorry." He slowly sat down again. Tony just stared at him. "I am sorry Tony."

"Eh…" he didn't really know how to respond right now. Gibbs seemed genuinely upset. He hadn't really seen him like this before. At least he hadn't been the cause of it. "It's okay boss." He stuttered out. Because it was. He thought so. Gibbs apologized to him. Gibbs was sorry, and if he could he would take it back. That was good enough for him. At least for the time being.

"It's okay boss. You didn't know this would happen."

"But I hurt you." Gibbs said.

"You tried to make me better."

"There are other ways to do that."

"You might want to start trying them out now boss." Tony smirked.

"I might DiNozzo." Gibbs smiled, but then took a serious expression. "I will." He added quietly.

"Yeah, I know." Tony sighed. He was getting tired. "Are we good now?" He asked. Gibbs had something different in his eyes, an expression that Tony couldn't place. Bu the was too tired to try.

"For now." Gibbs answered. "How do you feel?" He asked then.

"I'm tired." He said. Gibbs nodded.

"You should try to get some sleep then, before they come to get you set up."

"Okay, boss." He closed his eyes. He should feel more worried than he was now. It would make sense to be worried. But at the moment he felt content with just closing his eyes and let sleep claim him.

 _\- NCIS -_

Gibbs sat there next to Tony's hospital bed. Their conversation had gone pretty okay after all. He was pretty sure that he had managed to get Tony to understand that nothing of this was his fault. Tony really shouldn't blame himself. Gibbs was to blame if anyone was. Tony didn't however.

He had noticed that Tony was struggling with holding his eyes open at the end of their conversation, so he decided to just cut it short and let Tony get some sleep. They would continue the conversation later. Right now they had more pressing matters on their hands. Tony was about to have a surgery.

Ducky had said that they were preparing the operation as they spoke. And it was true because only a few minutes later a whole crew of hospital staff came to take Tony to the OR. They woke him up and he groggily nodded as they explained to him what was going to happen.

"You are going to be there after, right?" He asked Gibbs when they started to roll his bed out of the room.

"I have your six, DiNozzo!" Gibbs promised and nodded. He managed to squeeze Tony's shoulder before he was brought passed him down the hall. The rest of the team seemed to have known what was going on somehow, because suddenly they were all there, greeting Tony as he passed them. He smiled goofily at them and waved a bit until he disappeared behind a couple of double doors.

Now the waiting began. Gibbs silently followed the rest of his team as they walked back to the waiting area.

None of them spoke much. Gibbs sat down next to Ducky on a bench close to the windows.

"How long do you think it will take?" McGee asked after only ten minutes of waiting.

"Certainly longer than this Timothy." Ducky answered. "Hopefully it won't take too long." He added after some time. He went on to explain how different procedures were made and how long it might take.

An hour passed. No one talked to Gibbs, and he was grateful that they didn't. He didn't know if they were blaming him or not, or how much they knew, but he wasn't ready to talk about it yet. It was all fresh, the conversation he had had with Tony. McGee however seemed to be pleased with him, because when they happened to look at each other the younger man gave him a small smile.

"What is taking so long Ducky?" Abby asked "It has been way longer than you said now."

"I don't know my dear." Ducky said. He sounded worried, that wasn't a good sign. "I will go and ask someone." He came back a while later without any news. "They will let us know." Was all he said.

Eventually a nurse came walking towards them. She looked worn out, but still smiled a little at them.

"Are you here for Anthony DiNozzo?" She asked and they nodded.

"Are they finished?" Ziva asked.

"Unfortunately not yet. I'm just here to update you. I wanted you to know that we have had some complications, but it seems like everything is under control now."

"What do you mean complications?" Gibbs interrupted her.

"The bleeding in Mr. DiNozzo's brain were more severe than originally estimated, and something happened that had the doctors' concerned. But Mr. DiNozzo is stable and doing well. They are finishing up with him as we speak."

"Will there be any side effects from the complications?" Ducky asked.

"It's too early to say at the moment. We will have to wait and see how he responds when he wakes up."

"When can we see him?"

"Not yet I'm afraid. Now, if you excuse me I have to get back." She left them all standing there. Abby had tears in her eyes. Complications, Gibbs felt the knot in his stomach that had been there for a long time now grow. What kind of complications, how would it effect Tony?

He didn't get any answers to his questions in the hours that followed. They didn't want them to see Tony yet, but they were assured that he was taking care of. He didn't doubt that, but he would prefer if he was the one that could do it. At least be there and make sure.

It was getting late and it was suggested to them that they leave and come back the next day. Tony had been put under sedation and wouldn't be awake anyway. Abby flat out refused unless she got to see Tony first.

"Abby, he is doing as well as he can at the moment. You can't do anything else for him here." Ducky tried.

"No, I'm not leaving. If the tables were turned he would never leave. Not for anyone of us! I'm not leaving!"

She got her will, and it turned out that only Ducky and McGee left for the night. McGee agreeing to drive Ducky home. He promised he would be back soon though, as did Ducky. First thing in the moring as he said.

It turned out that they might as well went home all of them, because nothing happened during the night. Ziva and Abby slept next to each other on a bench for a few hours, and Gibbs got some sleep in his chair. He brought both of them coffee in the morning hours. They accepted and thanked him.

"Gibbs." Abby said. "Tony knows you are sorry." She said and then gave him a hug. He guessed it was her way of telling him that things were okay between them. He just hugged her back and kissed her on the head. "Thank you Abby." He whispered.

"We just need to be there for him now." She said. "McGee!" She screamed in his ear and he let her go as she ran and hugged the surprised agent.

"Hi Abby.. Did something happened?"

"Oh, no. I was just happy to see you." She explained.

"Oh..eh I'm happy to see you too Abby. Any news about Tony?"

"Not yet."

"I think I might be able to help with that in a moment." Another voice sounded behind them. It was Tony's doctor from last night. "I just checked up on Tony, and we are going to start vain him of the sedatives soon, so hopefully he will wake up within the next few hours."

When they all asked him a bunch of question at the same time he held up his hands. "I can't tell you much at the moment, since he hasn't woken up yet. But I will let you know when I know something."

They were left to wait again after that, and it was really starting to get on Gibbs nerves. How long was it going to take really? Ducky arrived an hour later and had brought breakfast for all of them.

After that they were finally allowed to see Tony. They all followed the doctor until he stopped outside a hospital room. He turned against them.

"Obviously I cannot permit you all to stay here at once. You are all welcome to see him two at the time, but not for long. He needs to rest right now."

"We are not going to leave him here alone!" Abby exclaimed.

"Two of you can stay with him, if you like. Nothing else is up for discussion." He added the last part as he saw that Abby was about to start protesting. "I'm only looking for what's best for Mr. DiNozzo at the moment. What he needs is peace and quiet. And remember that he hasn't woken up yet. As soon as he do. Please contact me or a nurse."

Even if Gibbs wanted to be the first one in with Tony he let Abby and Ducky be the first ones to go in to him. The others waited outside until they came back. Abby looked shaken up and Ducky was a bit pale. Ziva and McGee went in next as Gibbs spoke to Ducky.

"He looks pretty bad Jethro. He is still asleep. It might be better if he stays like that for some time. He needs his rest."

Abby uncharacteristically didn't say much.

When Gibbs stepped into Tony's room he could understand his coworker's reactions. Tony didn't look like himself at all. His complexion had taken an almost greyish color, and what you could see of his forehead was covered in a light layer of perspiration. He had a bandage wrapped around his head. He was hooked up on numerous different machines, IV:s connected to both his arms. Gibbs tried to not pay too much attention to it all, and instead focus on Tony's person. He sat down on a chair next to the bed.

"Hi Tony." He quietly said and took his hand in his. "I need you to be okay. You hear me?"

Tony didn't react at all. His chest was rising up and down along with his breathing.

Gibbs sat with him for a while before stepping out and joining the others. Everyone were reluctant to leave without knowing how Tony would be when he woke up, but eventually they all left but Gibbs and Abby. The others went to the office to see if they could get some work done.

Gibbs had made a promise to Tony. He wasn't going to break that. No one else said anything about it either. He and Abby installed themselves in Tony's room. They took a seat next to eachother by Tony's bed. And then they waited again. It really was a lot of waiting going on. Abby didn't seem to mind that much. She spoke quietly to Tony as to not disturb him, but maybe he still could hear her, she reasoned. She told him a bunch of nonsense, and eventually Gibbs shut it out of his mind. It was probably good for Tony though, after all maybe he could hear her.

It was late during the afternoon when Tony first showed any signs whatsoever of waking.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby exclaimed suddenly. "He moved! His hand moved."

"Abby, shhh.." Gibbs came up to her and took his place next to her again. He had been pacing a bit.

"Tony? Are you awake?" Abby asked. Gibbs watched him closely to see if she had been right. She had, because Tony twitched a bit on the bed. He moved his head a bit and let out a low moan.

"DiNozzo? You with us?"

It was met another groan, and DiNozzo's eyes fluttered open for a second before he squeezed them shut again. Abby leaned over and pressed the button for the nurse, before grabbing Tony's hand in hers.

"We are here Tony. Gibbs and I are here."

Tony was breathing heavily now and twisting a bit on the bed. He groaned again and it looked like he was in pain. Before anything else was said a nurse came into the room and paged the doctor and then started to tend to Tony. She got him to open his eyes a bit again. But he seemed confused. The doctor came within a minute, and it was decided to give Tony more pain relief since he was in pain, it was all they got him to say. Gibbs saw the tension slowly ebb away from his agent, and Tony's fists that tightly had grasped the sheets of the bed relaxed and let go. After a few minutes the doctor wanted to make another attempt to talk to Tony.

"Mr. DiNozzo? Are ready to answer some questions?"

Tony's eyes fluttered open again. "Tony…" He slurred.

"What's that?"

"It's Tony." He said.

"Alright Tony, you think you can answer some questions for me?"

"Yeah."

"That's good. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Okay. I'll let you go back to sleep in a minute."

"Good." Tony said making Gibbs smirk. However it looked like Tony had trouble staying awake.

"Are you in any pain Tony?" The doctor continued.

"A little." Tony truthfully answered.

"Do you know where you are Tony?"

"Hospital."

"Yes that's right. Do you know what happened to you?"

"No" Tony whispered.

"What day is it Tony?"

"I don't know."

"Tony, can you stay awake for me?" The doctor put a hand on his shoulder to make him stay awake. His eyes were drooping, and at the touch he seemed to struggle to force them back open. "Can you step over here?" The doctor turned to Gibbs and Abby who had silently been standing by the wall.

"Tony? Do you know who this is?" The doctor placed his hand on Gibbs and looked expectantly at Tony, as did Gibbs. Tony's eyes meet his and their eye locked. After a few seconds dread started to rise in Gibbs stomach, because Tony just looked at him. But then thankfully he nodded a litte. Then his eyes closed.

"We better let him sleep some more." The doctor said.

"Is he okay? He seemed confused." Abby said.

"To be a bit confused after the procedure he had is perfectly normal. I will have to examine him more when he is more alert. I will be back later." With that they were alone again with Tony.

He didn't wake again until a few hours later. He was only awake a few minutes this time as well, but he was a bit more alert this time. Though now he left Gibbs feeling much more concerned than before. Gibbs had been dozing lightly on his chair but woke from Tony's voice.

"Boss?" Abby stepped closer from her place she had taken by the windows.

"Yeah, hey Tony."

"Where are we? What happened?" Tony rasped and stared at him. "Where are we?" he repeated when Gibbs didn't answer straight away.

"You are at the hospital Tony." Abby hesitantly said. "Are you okay?" Tony seemed like he first now noticed her presence.

"What happened? Why are we here? I don't…I don't…Did I get hurt?" Tony asked.

"Tony calm down." Gibbs told him, but it was like Tony didn't hear him, or he didn't care. He looked around the room. "What happened?" He whispered again, and with that his eyes closed again and he was sleeping again. Abby and Gibbs looked at each other.

"Oh god.." Abby whispered.

 _\- NCIS -_

Thank you for all the reviews! And of course for reading!


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